The title of this post is mostly just for jokes. I mean certainly I'm about to talk about Jizz. And specifically I plan to share with you what I learned about it. But the first bit. That's really just something I said once. To a friend. When she asked me about a dish of food. And I told her the truth. Because that's how I roll. Looks a bit jizzy if you ask me. And in all honesty it did. And yes, in fact it was delicious. This is yet another reason you should want to hang out with me. I say things like this. A lot. And maybe you don't find that funny. Not everybody does. But then you probably also wouldn't think it was that funny that after eating we went for a walk. And I saw a kebab shop. With a row of rotisseries spinning up some good schwarma. And of course I said...Look at all that meat to which she responded in correct fashion with That's what she said. I'm fairly certain I would've given up a nice little #Heyyooo and we would've carried on our merry way. But not before adding Halal this.
But I digress. What was I talking about? Uh yes. Jizz. Cum. Spunk. Spooge. Joy Juice. Boy Batter. Baby Butter. Man Mustard. Badger Milk. Mouthwash #Heyoooo. Well. I think you get the idea. See the thing of the thing is that I recently found out some very valuable information. Information that affects everyone. Okay well specifically it affects the boys that are privileged enough to wrap themselves in my cotton candy coated lips but more generally speaking it affects the whole world. Because after all. I'm never as big of an enigma as I'd like to think and surely if knowing this information affects how I get down...er...go down...well I wouldn't doubt it having an effect on others too. Just sayin'. So yeah. Back to the matter at hand....er...mouth.
I was at my friend's house. We were watching Jersey Shore (don't judge). And the question came up. Spit or Swallow? And while I know a lot of people's answers vary based upon whether they're talking about "in a relationship" or not. But to be totally honest, that's not a deciding factor for me. Now obviously I'm not just slurping it down with every dude who looks my way on the street. But what I'm saying is that if I'm giving you head, it's pretty certain that we're already at whatever point I needed to be to feel comfortable with you. And Sidebar. Yes. Different boys come with different points of comfortability (it's a word...ok no it's not). So what is the deciding factor you say?
Consistency.
That's right I said it. It's not the taste. Not the flavor. Not the temperature. It's not an aroma or a stinging in your eye (ok technically that's never happened to me but my friend says it hurts like hell lol). It's not a mental thing or a how he treats me thing. It's not a safety thing or a power thing. It's a fucking consistency thing. And up to this point I always thought you were born with what you got. Some guys are thick and gooey. Some guys are thin and watery. I thought it was a DNA thing. So to speak. ;)
But that's when my deliciously gay friend chimed in with some of the most valuable information I've ever been offered. It has to do with how many times they jacked off that day. Wait. What!?! I mean like What The Fuck. My world imploded. In an awesome kind of way.
And to be clear. Here's the thing. I want to swallow like a champ. Slurp my man down with the best of my abilities. Work my magic and then reap the rewards. I want to be his whore his pornstar his special baby...doing all the special things my man likes. But the thing of the thing is. I have a gag reflex. And sometimes there's only so much a girl can do. Now getting all up on his man privates. That's no prob. Lickin' and dipping like I was drinking a cup of tea. Well shit, son...I love that. No prob. But if you ask me to swallow something that looks like I could use it to attach a poster to my wall. Well fuck me. I'll swing and swing like Mighty Casey but the sad fact is I might strike out.
Detour. Now to be fair. And TMIesque. This isn't to say I get you off and that spit it all over you. Or that it becomes a scene like a horror film that contains the murder of several ghosts. I mean. I know how to keep it sexy. Keep it good. Keep my baby happy. Get my man where he needs to go without causing a side show production. I always clean up aisle number 7. Just Sayin'.
Back on Track. So while I may struggle with swallowing down that wall tacky. That man taffy. If you've got jizz like I'm drinking at a water fountain. Well jesus. Let's make this happen yo. Because I'm drinking your Hawiian punch. No prob. SO you can see. That knowing this vital information. Can be incredibly useful. For the men of my future. And for men everywhere.
Now bear in mind every girl is different. So it's always possible this isn't their issue. Or if you're like what my sexy Gay told me...sometimes the boys like you to store it up. Stickify that sucker. Because it means more. Like you saved it for him. But that's not me. Not me at all bubba. You beat that bad boy. Several times if necessary. Because while if you're my dude a beej is always on the table. If you want me to swallow it like a porn star champ. Drink at your fountain of youth. Suck it down like a lonely drop of water in your delicious man desert. The likelihood of it going down smooth...rests in your hands. See what I did there ;)
Oh and also. The more you come to me with buckets of water. The likelihood that I'll get thirsty for, or at least not have a problem with, some thicky thick protein pudding increases. Because after all. Every time Mighty Casey connects with the ball, he's that much more likely to get a home run. But once you fuck with his confidence, you've basically boiled his bunny.
