My Kingdom for an H

You won't believe it.  I mean you really won't believe it.  And yet I knew who it was before Alice Cooper had even sung his second  poison...your poison running through my veins (my ringtone).  Okay well technically I can't really claim I knew because well how do you test for that once everything has become hindsight-style...but logic aside...I knew.

6 weeks since 2nd date with Garbage Man (aka Houdini)
2 weeks since last contact with him
1.5 weeks since The TEDisaster
1 week since taking down all dating profiles in an effort to have complete focus on schoolwork till the end of term paper madness and final exams
4 weeks until all term papers are due and final exams will be over

Regardless of the time that had passed and TEDisasters that had happened and the fact that I DO (I swear) have friends that could be texting me.  I knew it was him.  From another room.  I knew.  And there it was.  A text message from none other than....Garbage Man

But wait...it gets better...the text message was the most brilliant piece of articulate literature you will ever encounter in your life.  No? You don't beleive me?  Surely you expect something high caliber and exsquisite from the man that brought you bison in bed?  Still no?  You have such low expectations of a man who couldn't manage to deliver a third date inside a 4 month window?  Okay so you're right.  The text said this:

H.

Need me to repeat that?

H.

Still not quite clear?  It's a fucking H.  Now I know we've had our share of technical difficulties in the past and I will readily admit that Telus Mobility is single-handedly trying to ruin my social life with its unreliability but seriously?

And here's where it all goes downhill.  And I mean really downhill.  Not like the downhill you've seen already but like watersliding down a zero gravity shoot downhill.  Because I can clearly CLEARLY see now that I should have just walked away (metaphorically) and deleted that retarded*(see video below) H (literally) but I'm a student of curiousity and I couldn't fathom not finding out what the deal was.  So I responded (please save all jugement and ridicule till the end).

Me:  You might want to resend that because all I got was an H.

no response.

I decide to just call because I don't have the patience to await a text response.

no answer.  I don't leave a message.

Are you fucking serious?  Now don't get me wrong...I've sent a text message or two to my friends and then gone into a class or a movie or something.  But seriously...to a chick you're trying to get?  That screams stupid to me...but I digress.

15-20 minutes go by and I get a text.

Him: Hey SSD.  Sorry I'm just making dinner.  How are u?  Can I call you after I eat about an hour?

I find this mind boggling.  Not only have has he been a total fucking retard basically since right after the first date but now he texts only to then ask me to wait for him?  Why did you ever bother texting!!!???!!

But that's not what I say.  I tell him sure.  call me at home.

And now I feel the need to reiterate something I may or may have not mentioned before that may or may not make me look like slightly less of a ridiculously stupid girl who puts up with stupid stuff and then wonders why stupid stuff keeps happening.  I had a mega love relationship.  Mega love did not conquer all.  Mega love lost.  I got over the mega love but could not be less interested in finding new mega love again right now.  I just want to date.  I've never really dated before.  I want to go out and have lots and lots of fun (don't read: super slutty...I mean actual clothes on 80s summer activies fun...mini-golf go carts batting cages fun).  Thus because I'm not looking for a husband to be...I've set the sights a little lower...though I like to think of it as being less judgemental also known as being breezy.  Add to that the scarring first date that was the TEDisaster and you could say I might be putting up with a little more than I normally would in an effort not to have to have a first date.  now back to the show...

He calls.  It's a little awkward at first...mainly because I don't feel any inclination to make this particularly easy for him by being my chatty self and also because frankly I'm waiting for some kind of explanation of why he's so ridiculous.  He doesn't offer one up. 

I was recently having a conversation with a friend who brought it to my attention that not everyone thinks like I do.  In fact most don't.  I personally find this hard to understand (clearly I do everything the best and right way) and yet its believable (this would certainly explain other drivers) that not everybody owns a copy of my rule book (a whole other blog post forthcoming soon).  Something worth considering.  Perhaps something I should mention.

So I do mention it to him.  In a nice way.  That I can't stand un-responsive (non-responsive, irresponsive?) people.  In hindsight I should have been even more specific...I generally feel that there is a 4 hour window for text messages that require a response.  Yes there are exceptions.  Lots of them in fact.  But if you're trying to date me...you'd do well to get back to me quickly...it's that simple. 

I balls-out ask why he didn't call in the last 2 weeks or more so the 2 before that.  He offers up some bullshit about figuring some stuff out and basically the jist is that he's miserable at his job, it's really hard on his body blah blah blah. 

So here's the thing of the thing...just as I let certain things slide because I'm not looking for a relationship...I'm also specifically NOT INTERESTED in other things.  Case in point:  him getting his life together, his trials and tribulations, you get the idea.  Now this may paint a bitchy picture of me but well...it's not like I put long term on my dating profile and when asked I'm pretty honest...I want fun fun fun not work work work.

So we talk for a bit more.  He wants to hang out.  I explain that though last month (ya know...when he was dickin' around with bullshit) I was free as a bird but now I'm solid booked with school for the next month...till exams are over.  He accepts this.  Tells me it's his bday the day after my last exam.  Suggests we hang out.  (hope he doesn't expect a present lol!).  I come to this conclusion.  I'll be putting in no effort.  I'll be focused on school.  If he wants to keep in touch that's his work to do and he's more than welcome to try.  Perhaps this is really ONLY his 2nd chance since this is the first time I really explained...this is how I operate.  We'll see.

to be continued...

Attn: Fellow Bloggers...This One's For You

Okay well technically it's directed at you...but really it's for me.  And I apologize in advance...because funny is riding backseat for this one for sure...I'm all business.

I need help.  advice.  okay really it's more like how I always ask everyone at the table what they're ordering before I can make my final decision.  is that your final answer.  what are you having? that is my final answer.  I'll have the clubhouse.

It's not that I'm a follower.  I think it has more to do with my psychology background or further behind that my rational nature.  I like to know all the options.  Weigh all the specifics.  I'm going to need to embrace every detail before I can make the right decision.  perfectionist much? yeah I'm aware.

So now that I'm back and ready to date and blog my summer away...I'm in a quandry and it's all about privacy...or lack thereof.

Now obviously...I'm blogging about my dating...so how interested in privacy can I be...but here's my concerns.

Pictures?
Facebook?
Identifiability?

So the first question is really...who do you share your blog with? or specifically not share it with?  So far I've shared it with some close friends and some family (my bro, and a cousin) and then of course the blogger world.  I go back and forth and back and forth about whether or not to share it on facebook.  Sure my facebook is set to friends privacy etc. but it's not like I'm BFFs with everybody on my list...there are a lot of people I went to highschool with (my biggest concern) and the occasional ex (a lesser concern) and the potential to forget and add someone I'm dating or have dated who showed up in the blog (medium concern). 

Most of the time I think the super embarassing moments (like the "meat" incident) are hilarious but there are other moments where I (try not to judge me) give a shit about looking super cool to people I went to highschool with/exes/other people.  How do you other bloggers feel?  I know a lot of you are even so awesome as to put up your REAL photo and/or have actual videos (you're my idols)...are you just super bold and confident...or did you have this same above convo with yourself before you went balls to the wall?

Should I just take a leap and who cares...be freakin' breezy if you will? 

So what is your level of privacy?
How did you come to that decision?
What are your limits in what details you share on your blog (names, photos, intimate details?)
Based on what you've read so far in my blog how embarassed should I be if I go mega-public?

Sidebar:  I'm also well aware I could start letting people on facebook know and my readership doesn't increase by a single person lol so this whole point could be moot

Being Breezy: Learning Lifeskills From TV

So here’s the thing


I’ve been known to be judgemental (and I am—I own it). But the thing about judgement and me is that as quick as I am to make a jugement about someone/something, I’m just as quick to change it. I’ve also been know to be a bit rigid. I like things how I like things and so I want things how I like them. There’s a right way and a wrong way. There’s a my way or the highway. That being said, I’ve also been known to be a little hard on people. This is a characteristic I don’t necessarily like in myself.

I really began to think about this trait a lot more when I began this online dating adventure not so long ago. Because here’s the thing: yes you should be honest about who you are and how you’re feeling etcetera etcerta BUT there is a time and place for everything.

AKA no need to be Regina Rules on the first text message. No need to be Cathy Control on the first phonecall. And no need to be Debbie Downer on the first date. I don’t think I had to learn it, I think I’ve just always known (thanks TV and Hollywood) that guys like the Fun Gal...the relaxed and carefree lady...the up for anything low maintenance chick...AKA the Breezy Girl (fyi this is not the urban slang breezy aka beezy aka slutty chick). I mean, I just want to be the calm and relaxed super fun and exciting breezy chick of my dreams; of their dreams.

Now before you start to think “but if that’s not who you are then in the long term, I mean, they’ll figure it out and it won’t work.”

Here’s the thing of this thing.

I don’t want long term. Could not be less interested in it.

First—and I’m still not really into getting into it...But...my 6 year relationship ended a mere 6 months ago (4 months ago when I began this online dating fiasco)...and yes my heart was completely broken...and now I’m in limbo...somewhere between the uber-fun-super-party-girl-tin-man(chick)-who-was-completely-detached-from-all-emotional-attachment-to-boys-and-happy-with-it-girl that I was of my youth....and....the found-the-love-of-my-life-want-to-have-milk-chocolate-babies-and-grow-old-together-trusting-open-can-form-healthy-relationships-woman I was in the relationship.

I like to refer to it as the OverHim—but not yet—UnderAnotherHim Limbo

Second—In September 2011, if all goes according to plan—I will be starting Grad School and the thing about me and grad school is I won’t be attending it here—Hello USA or Europe...so no matter what I’m adios and thus no long term because they only thing I want less than to get my heart broken again is to do long distance again—no thank ya!

Third—Did I mention the heart-break? So really all a girl wants to do is have some fun. I want to meet fun guys...go on fun dates...do fun things...and just get all funned up!(Read: Fun is actual fun, not code for booty call)

Ideally, I’d like to have a couple of short term relationships.

So all that being said. My Mantra.

Be Breezy

Be light and fun and spontaneous. Be up for anything and the life of the party. Be more open to novel situations and people. Be Breezy.