The Sunday Profile: Facebook Has Gone TEDanese

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TEDanese 101: The Final Exam

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TEDanese 101: The Final Exam

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TEDanese 101: Chapter Two -- Conversation and Oral History

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TEDanese 101: Chapter One -- Introduction and Origins

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Houdini Returns: Authorities Close Case on Garbage Man

O
                     nce upon a time...moderately

long ago, there was a magic man named

Houdini. He had a talent for

whispering first dates, peddling wild

tales of magic and performing his

wizardry all through the lands of

Vancouverdom. After wooing the

beautiful princess Something She

Dated on that wild and crazy web of

interconnected-ness, they had a magical first date. Shortly after, Houdini

caught the plague that was spreading like brush fire across these parts. But

SSD was entranced with what she thought were his charms and witty

repartee, which in hindsight was simply the neutrality that comes with not

being a total douche (aka he was just an average knight – no shining armour).

So she waited for him to heal. Like Rapunzel dangling hair out the window,

she dangled texts about her kisses having been known to cure illness. They

giggled and he got better.  Then on their second date they went hunting and

he shot a Bison. Sadly in the few weeks that followed, Houdini lived up

to the connotations of his magician's name and disappeared. Was it faulty

lines of communication (horses with broken hooves, bandits in the forest

intercepting messages, a flood leaving the town in total chaos), or just a

knight with tarnished armour and a princess under a spell?

So after the second date aka “more meat and less greet” I still had hopes that Houdini aka Garbage Man and I might carry on and have some fun. Shocking I know, and in hindsight, so shameful. Try to bear in mind that after six years of lockdown and an arsenal of subpar flirting skills (the best of which include, “you’re cute...shall we make out?”) I was in desperate need of dating experience.

To be blunt, Garbage man was like a workout. I was flexing my dating muscles and getting my flab in shape. First dates were like push ups, first kisses like lat pulls and you could say I was hoping to get in a lunge or two.



1st Friday since Meat Date
He texts – Want to hang out tonight?
I text back – busy, tomorrow night?
He texts back – dinner with mom, don’t know when I’ll be back.
I don’t respond. 4 hours go by (I’m sure it becomes obvious I will not be responding lol!).
He texts again – Hey Sexy, I would really love to spend some time with you tomorrow night.
I cave, sort of.
I text back – Give me a shout when you’re back and if I’m free we’ll hang out.

Saturday
Night arrives, whooshes past and sticks its tongue out at me in the rear-view, no contact ever comes.

Sunday
He texts. I only respond because I’m curious after leaving me in the lurch last night why even bother?
So I ask How was your weekend?
He texts Really sucky because I didn't get to see you.  The rest of his message is, long story short, all about phone unreliability and I start to wonder why didn’t he just call...ya know...like dial actual numbers instead of texting???

Wednesday
More yaketty yak about mobile dysfunction (something about dropping it and it shorting out) *eyes roll* but asks about hanging out this weekend. I suggest Friday.


2nd Friday since Protein Extravaganza
The plan is to hang out Friday night, only he gets back to me too late. He originally asked on Wednesday and then when I responded for details...silence...he logs on numerous times but doesn’t respond till Friday afternoon (is he shitting me???) asking to hang out that night or if not on Saturday. Obviously I message back...I’ve got plans tonight....I’ll message you tomorrow.

Saturday
He logs onto POF (yes I check lol!  He has me saved as a favorite so obviousloy I check duh!) at 10am. I message at noon – Hey Garbage, you still want to hang out tonight?


Whoosh
Houdini
Cloud of Smoke
Disappearing Act
Like a Fairy Tale

And then nothing...
He doesn’t log in all week...


3rd Friday since Bison Ball
Get an email from Plenty of Fish announcing message from Garbage Man. Don’t bother reading it...yet; I had decided not to do anything “dating” related because of major schoolwork crunch all weekend. (lol I also may have asked TheHell to change my password until Monday just in case I got tempted).


Monday
Check the message. It’s some more yaketty yak about phone bullshit. This time it’s water spilled or something. Normally I wouldn’t be so hard on someone but this smells like Garbage (man). I mean Come On! He asks in the saddest English possible, “Am I ever wanting to talk to him?” My response (and likely only occurred due to my curiosity to hear his response not because there’s actually a chance it matters)...

"Depends. Is this recent flakiness simply a symptom of unfortunate technological malfunctioning or is it a personality trait?"

The silence can be heard around the world lol! And that my friends is the end of the Garbage Man/Houdini as he disappeared like a pfft! of smoke. I’ve put the bags in the bin, closed the lid on the can, and wheeled it out into the street for pickup. 


(Fairy Dust Settles in Vancouverdom)



W

                           hen the Princess awoke from the enchanting spell placed on her by Houdini, she was refreshed and ready to be courted again. Hopefully the next time she would be a little wiser, a little more protective of her time and perhaps ready to date a vegetarian.

The Sunday Profile: Blowing This Story Wide Open

Something I've recently noticed (sidenote: the noticing is recent, the goings on I don't think are) going on around the "block" (of dating bloggers) is that people often have something special or different on Sundays.  I think it makes things interesting as well as gives the blogger either a get-out-of-jail free for not having a sexy date or connundrum to write about or a chance to post something they thought was interesting but doesn't fit the niche of what they normally do...or perhaps even both.

There's Lost Plum with the Sunday Pull, Simone Grant with the Guy's Story, and Lucky Girl with Sexy Sundays, and I'm sure many more.  So here's the thing, depending on how far back into an idea you look, you really can't say anything is original....I mean...even blogging at all...it's not like I thought it up.  That being said, I don't think I'm really infringing on anybody - the Sunday Pull is about pick up lines, Guy's Story is posts by the fellas, and Sexy Sundays are that stories about sexy things.  (Even though my blogs won't be replicas or even close cousins, I wanted to give the shout out anyway because well frankly, these blogs are interesting and why not share the love :)

My Sunday Special....will be called  THE SUNDAY PROFILE (impressive huh?!?).  I feel it's very 1940s Sunday Newspaper...and I'm going to blow this story wide open.  So there you have it.  Sometimes it will be my dating profile...sometimes it will be others' dating profiles...sometimes it will be things related to profiles...honestly it's a pretty simple concept.

The Sunday Profile

 SomethingSheDated's Profile From Plentyoffish.com

Interests:

Raspberry Jam  **  the Ability to Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time  **  Astronomy
a Mexican Song About Housecoats and the Consonants F and H  **  Road Trips  **
Making Out Under Bleachers  **  the Antiquated Term for a Sexual Attraction to Physicists
**  the Proper Response to the Question “where is the baby?”  **  Chuck Norris Facts  **
Friday Night Lights  **  Wit and Sarcasm  **  Big Bang Theory  **  Mind Trap Trivia  **
Magic 8 Balls  **  The Nationalistic High-Five Between Two People of Ukrainian Descent 
**  Dos Equis Men  **  Things that Rhyme with Lasagna  **  Drinks with Cherries in Them
Vegas in General  **  Vegas Specifically  **  Atheism  **  Pyrohy  **  Red Toe Nails  **
Dance Moves Involving 8 Consecutive Steps & Ending in Jazz Hands **  My Get Ready Shirt
**  Repetition  **  Repetition  **  Reasons I Would Never Trade You My Jell-O Pudding Cup
**  Reading  ** Writing  **  Making Lists  **  Making Lists of Lists **  Pitching No Hitters
Dusk  **  Inside Jokes  **  Driving on Highways  **  Board Games  **  Shirley Temples  **


About Me:

1. I have magical skills and an extensive knowledge of medical textbooks.

2. With an elastic band, a piece of gum and a thesaurus, I'm pretty sure I can make a party dress.

3. I once stopped global warming by thinking really really hard about icicles, but then I went tanning and it all fell apart. Sorry.

4. I hold actual medals for my charade skills though I'm a complete novice at strip poker.

5. My favorite game is Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

6. I'm pretty sure I'm Russian Royalty (based mainly on my ability to submerge in icy cold waters for lengthy periods of time).

7. I've been known to wear a light on my ass while camping lest I get lost in the forest.

8. I can be found in Wikipedia under "awesome" synonym "rad"

9. After getting a speeding ticket, I once cried unicorn tears and the ticket tore itself up

10. I like to spend my days pondering why melted butter tastes better than solid butter? and why the doors to squash courts are so ridiculously short?

11. I'm ALWAYS with the DJ

12. Santa is well aware I want a Zack Morris cell phone but he's punishing me because I ate his cookies back in '96 (and '87, '92, '99, and 2004)

13. Every time I smile an angel gets her wings, and by angel I mean stripper and by wings I mean hundreds

14. Riddle me this...if I get on a train in Venice at 6pm and you get on a plane in New York at 10am, what continent does Russia belong to?

15. I once ate ketchup as a meal

16. The words swab, gauze and panty really gross me out though I’m a huge fan of lozenge and racoon (which I pronounce RAH!-coon not raa-coon)

17. I used to think those Axe commercials were all fake marketing, I now know different

18. I can say "Chubby Bunny" 10 times with 12 marshmallows in my mouth

 First Date:

Painting our faces and going to a game   or   Just getting some starbucks and pointing out constellations to each other (I call Orion and Mars!)