Law and Order: Dockett Number 492801: People vs. Garbage Man

The following story is non-fictional

and depicts actual people and events.

(deep voice over)    In the Criminal Justice System, the People are represented by two seperate yet equally important groups;  the Police who investigate crime and the District Attorny (Crown Counsel in Canada) who prosecute the offenders.  These are their stories.

Dun! Dun! (Law and Order sound)
Trial Part 4
Opening Arguments
Febrauary 20, 2010




Crown:               In summation, I intend to prove that the defendant, Garbage Man, has committed the
                          crime of  “aggravated assault on future dates”. Pursuant to a conviction by guilty
                          verdict We, the people, will be seeking damages in the case against TELUS Mobility
                          Canada for “conspiracy to disrupt relationship formations” to the tune of $10, 000.
                          (for unreliable mobile service).




Dun! Dun!
Trial Part 19
Febrauary 20, 2010




Crown:                Court reporter, would you please read aloud the messages which occured the day
                            after SSD's "breezy" phone call.  These messages occured between Garbage Man
                            and SSD on http://www.plentyoffish.com/, submitted as exhibits F and G in evidence.

Court
Reporter:             (reading aloud in monotone 80s computer voice)

        Gman:                 All better. Have dinner plans Friday, want to hang out afterwards? You could come
                                    to my place or I could drive out to yours maybe? I’m busy rest of weekend. Our
                                    mobile phone companies are incompatible (read: TELUS sucks). Bye Sexy.

        SSD:                    Sounds good. I’ll come to your place (SSD specified that she answered the
                                    message accordingly because she hasn’t given him her home phone number yet
                                    so she certainly was not letting him come over to her house). When were you
                                    thinking?

        Gman:                  Dinner is 7, so maybe 830 or 9?

        SSD:                     9 is good. What’s your address again?

        Gman:                 I’m really looking forward to seeing you again. (sighing and "ahh"ing from the
                                    gallery)  Would it alright if we made it 930? Gives address.

        SSD:                    Yeah 930 is fine. Cya then.



(Court reporter is excused and SSD is sworn in)


Crown:               (looking at SSD)  and were you on time?

SSD:                 Well not exactly...you see I spent too much time primping and didn’t leave my house till
                         9pm...uh...and it’s about a 45 min drive to Gman’s place...and then the highway was shut
                         down because of a huge accident...and so I had to take this endless detour...but...but...I
                         called him...(trails off)

Crown:               Please describe the conversation

SSD:                  Well...can I have immunity first please...because I risked calling illegally from my cell
                          because I didn’t have hands free set up yet)

Crown:               Granted...continue

SSD:                  Okay so it was like this...I called Gman and was like...blah blah traffic...blah blah
                          unavoidable...blah blah sorry...

                          Then he was like “You’re pretty punctual usually though aren’t you?”

                          Then I was like...(Flashback to first date and being a couple minutes late)...uh...yeah
                          I guess...sometimes I’m late though...(awkward laugh)...

                          And he was like...(not said in soothing voice, but more disappointed parental tone)...
                          oh well what can you do...if there’s an accident there’s an accident...blah blah blah
                          ...cya soon...then I hung up.

Crown:               and how did that make you feel, SSD?

SSD:                  Honestly I almost turned around and drove home. I mean Fuck this...oops *blush*
                          excuse my language Judge...so I was like forget this...I mean the proper response when
                          someone calls to tell you that they’re going to be late is...(even if it means sucking it up
                          and faking it)...no worries that’s fine...take your time and drive safe. I mean...we
                          barely know each other...not to mention he had been the one pushing the time
                          back earlier anyway right?

Crown:               and so did you turn around?

SSD:                  No. (sighs).  I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus I’d just spent like
                          2 hours primping for him...so I wasn’t going to waste it.

Crown:               Tell us what happened when you arrived at his house.

SSD:                 So when I get to his house, admittedly it is almost 10:30pm and I felt hugely embarrassed
                         that I was so late...even though mostly it wasn’t my fault...and super awkward because
                         of how he acted on the phone...plus hello! second date jitters...and then I knocked on the
                         door...and he pokes his head out just a smidge...and I guess he was trying to be funny
                         but I kept thinking...yeah...we’re not tight like that yet that joking in an awkward
                         situation is a good idea...and then...you wouldn’t believe it?!?!

Crown:              Oh, do tell us...please go on...

SSD:                  He was wearing jogging pants!!!


(Gasps are heard around the courtroom. Whispers, pointing and laughter ensue. Judge brings down gavel several times asking for “order!”)


Crown:               And you were shocked at this drastic change in attire from the first date?

Defence:             Objection! Leading the witness!

Judge:                 Sustained

Crown:               I’ll rephrase. What was your reaction to his attire?

SSD:                  I couldn’t freakin’ believe it! I had just spent 2 hours getting myself all super-sexified and
                          girly and he’s wearing sweat pants? I mean come on! And the thing is, it’s not like I’m
                          anti-sweat pants...heck I wear them myself when I’m at home...but this was supposed to
                          be our second date. A Date for Christ’s sake!! And yes...I know...the date did take place
                          at his humble abode but that does not make practically wearing pyjamas acceptable.
                          Plus, what moron thinks he’s getting laid in sweat pants???

Defence:             Objection! The witness is using prejudicial characterizations of my client!

Judge:                 Overruled! Defendant wore sweatpants on a date...calling him a moron is not a
                           characterization it’s a fact.

Crown:                Tell us what happened next SomethingSheDated...

SSD:                    Well...uh...I was so distracted by the whole phone call plus weird door opening plus
                            jogging pants that I barely said anything for the first...like half hour. Plus he didn’t
                            even have a movie or something planned to watch. He was watching the Olympics
                            when I showed up...and so we just kept watching them.

Crown:                Thank you, that is all.  The prosecution rests. Your witness.

Defence:              So had you and the defendant discussed what would be happening on this second date?

SSD:                   Well...uh...no...I mean...I assumed...

Defence:              (interrupting) Ha! You assumed!

Crown:                Objection! Badgering the witness you Honour!

Judge:                  The defence will please let the witness answer the question. Go ahead SSD...you may
                            continue.

SSD:                    so yeah...uh...I just assumed that he was aware that effort was required. I mean...I
                            figured after how amazing our first date had been...the second date would at least
                            attempt to compare...

Defence:              and the date did take place in his “home” and you after all said you wear sweatpants in
                             your “home” did you not?

SSD:                    Yes...but not when getting frisky is a possibility...

Defence:              And did you get frisky?

Crown:                 Objection!

Judge:                  Overruled...please tell us about the frisky activities (judge rests chin on elbows and
                             upturned palms and leans towards witness, very pervy-like)...yes do tell us all the
                             details!

SSD:                     (blushing) yada yada yada making out yada yada yada shirts off yada yada yada
                             uncircumcised yada yada never seen one before yada yada not ready to have sex
                             yet yada

Defence:                 So...besides the attire...did he do anything else that “turned you off” or would
                               prevent future copulations?

SSD:                     Well (looks up quizzically and scrunches face)....he did sort of talk about meat during a
                              lull...

Gallery:                  (numerous voices) He did what? (Laughter) Can you imagine? (Laughter) What kind of
                               meat? (Laughter)

Judge:                    QUIET! Or I’ll have you all in contempt! Witness will continue and please...specify the
                               meat in question...

SSD:                      Well it was sort of after he found out he wasn’t going to get laid that night...but
                               before he figured out he could get a bit further than he already had...and we were
                               just talking and he brought up the fact that he had had sushi for dinner with a guy
                               from work...and then he was talking about eating healthier blah blah...and then he
                              started talking about how he’s started eating Bison...

Defence:                 (interrupts with laughter) Bison? Seriously?

SSD:                       yes! (Annoyed) Bison!

Defence:                 and yet...you still let him get further with you?

SSD:                       well...yeah...I mean...we kind of laughed at the topic and then got it on again...

Defence:                 The defence rests.

Judge:                     The witness may be excused.



Dun! Dun!
Trial Part 36
Closing Arguments
February 20, 2010




Defence:               The Crown has not been able to prove its burden for the crimes charged. At best, they
                              may argue that my client gave future dates a dirty look but certainly not “aggravated
                              assault”. In addition, my client lacks the intelligence to formulate the “intent to cause
                              confusion” about whether or not he likes the witness.

Crown:                  The Defence has spun tales about the appropriateness of casual attire and tried to
                             distract you with notions of “the clothes do not make the man”. They have claimed
                             that abuse using the weapons of bad pants and meat talk are not vigorous enough to
                             justify an “aggravated assault” charge but they forget this comes after the weeks of
                             pummelling, while my client waited to hear about the defendant's health and a second
                             date. Finally the defence asserts that the accused lacks the intelligence to intentionally
                             cause confusion, which in itself proves his guilt in “grand stupidity”. They cannot have
                             it both ways. The jury must convict this man before he causes further harm to
                             innocent daters everywhere. It is your duty!!



Dun! Dun!
Trial Part 45
Verdict
February 20, 2010



Judge:                        And does the jury have a verdict?

Presiding Juror:         We do your Honour.

Judge:                         And what say you

Presiding Juror:        On the charge of “aggravated assault on future dates” we find the defendant guilty.
                                  We would also like to make the recommendation to the Court, that the charges be
                                  ammended to include “intent to cause confusion” and “grand stupidity”.

Judge:                         That is highly unusual...hmm

Presiding Juror:        We know, Your Honour, but we felt that it was justified to speak out on behalf of
                                   the victim.

Judge:                        Very well...the Crown is advised to consider the jury's statements for future
                                   charges.  And how say you on the charge of "conspiracy to disrupt relationship
                                   formations" in cahouts with TELUS Mobility.  On the issue of damages, we
                                   award the claimant, SSD, on behalf TELUS Mobility, a total of $10,000 for
                                   time wasted and anxiety and uncertainty suffered.

Judge:                        Deputies, please remove the defendant. The Court would like to thank the jury for
                                   its time.  Court is adjourned.

The Zach(at) Guide To Online Dating Sites

Some might ask, Why Zach Galifianakis? and I would say, Why not Zach Galifianakis?  The truth is, who else could make "febreezing my beard" sound sexy and could carry off the styles of "Lighthouse Attendant" "Homeless Professor" "Marijuana Santa Claus" and "Wolf Blitzer at Burning Man"?!?!  He is the definition of why "funny" wins everything!  He is my new David Spade.

Free Sites:

Plenty of Fish           

Attractiveness of Guys
High - There is a large portion of physically attractive guys on this website.  Just as with life there are also lots of not so attractive fellas but this website, especially in relation to others, is heavy with the hotties.

Attention from Fellas
Moderate - On average (its higher when I'm online more and lower when I'm on less, guess exposure helps) I get about 2-5 messages a day.  That being said, there are days when I get 10 and others where 3 days go by with nada.  Generally 3 out of those daily 5 get deleted right away, 1 out of the remaining 2 usually turns out to be a moron (sometimes 2 out of 2) but I have messaged with several fellas who have made it past this initial stage.

Quality of Responders
Moderate to Low - I've still only met 2 guys in person, but I have another date this weekend and hopefully a 4th soon following that.  Not a whole lot of super witty and definitely not a whole lot of super intelligent.  Also, I get the feeling I put up with a bit more ridiculousness because:

1.  I have very little patience and thus often take less than I deserve because I'm not ready to "wait it out"

2.  Because I'm looking for fun and dating not long term relationship I don't judge it as harshly as some would

3.  I am trying to be more open and less judgemental

Coolness of Site
Moderate - nothing particularly unique about this stie.  You can't search for guys that are interested in (chubby) body type, there's no fun neat stuff, basically the only savior is that its free.

Overall Satisfaction
Moderate - Unfortunately it really is a "best of the worst" type of situation.  Though like someone driving a jalopie, the second I get a better option, I'll be dropping this beast in a heartbeat. 
 
Dear Plenty of Fish,
      We are not soul mates, you're my booty call until someone better takes your place.
Yours Truly,
     The Truth



Lavalife           

Attractiveness of Guys
Low - So far it's been mostly old guys (seriously like 48-68 year olds...gross you're practically my father, plus not only is it creepy, it makes them idiots...do they seriously think a 28 year old would be interested in them (without monetary reimbursement lol!)???)

Attention from Fellas
Moderate to Low - I've only been on a couple days, but responsiveness seems fairly low and add to that, the responses I am getting hold little to no interest.  Honestly there's only been one guy who sent me a "smile" that I'd be interested in, so I smiled back so we'll see.

Quality of Responders
Low - Read: Old and dilusional.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not "just" about looks but here's the thing I always say.  "You can dumb and hot, or smart and not attractive, or funny and not attractive, or rich and unattractive (this ones sort of a joke lol), but you can't be all - dumb, not funny, not rich, and not attractive) and so far that's what this site seems...plus add "old" to the mix.

Coolness of Site
Deceptively Moderate (Actually Low) - Site appears really cool with lots of neat features like sending "smiles", instant messenger, and online speed dating though in an experiment with speed dating (the first one is free) I signed up only to find I was the only one signed up for that night (they have one session a night)...oh wait...there was one guy signed up who wasn't actually online at the right time HUGE TIME WASTE.

Overall Satisfaction
Low - I know I've only been on the site a couple of days but there isn't even a single person I'd consider meeting yet, so it's not looking good for lavalife, guess a cool website doesn't make up for a lack of quality dating pool.  I haven't closed my account yet, but I'm definitely not considering the pay option, and if things don't pick up I will be closing my account. (side bar: I started writing this yesterday before the speed dating disaster and have since closed my account).  This site does have a pay option but I'm certain it wouldn't make any improvements.

Match.com

OkCupid

KissCafe &

Chubbyfishing          

In order to save time and not have to write the same thing over and over again...these websites sucked (for my demongraphic--area, age, etc.).  To be harsh, they were just chock full of unattractive fellas (which not only makes me upset because I don't want to date any of them...but then I start to wonder if my pic is ever giving this same impression to fellas...bad path to go down...moving on...taking a right turn at confident and beautiful!)  So though they have potential to not super suck, I've come to realize that for most of these dating sites, the most important factor is the gene (I mean dating) pool that they are working with.


Pay Sites:

Eharmony            

Attractiveness of Guys
Moderate -  Overall the guys are fairly decent, not mega-babes like on POF and not the bottom of the barrel like lavalife, etc.  Also, add to that, the fact that the majority of the men are highly educated and have pretty kick ass profiles and attraction goes way up!

Attention from Fellas
Low - This site doesn't allow you to do your own searching.  That being said, it's been an entire week and then send me approximately 7 matches a day.  I've been keeping really open-minded and not closing communication with anyone they said me, and still, I've yet to have any "dater" initated contact from ANYONE.  My best guess?  Though they may be matching me personality-wise with these men, I'm thinking the part where one specifies body-type etc. is being ignored...but just a theory.

Quality of Responders
Lower than Low - What responders???

Coolness of Site
Moderate to High - If I was actually getting some love on this site, I would think it was pretty cool.  They match you (aka no work for me), communication is guided (when making first communication you send them 5 questions that you've selected out of a possible 20 or so), the personality size-up they give you is actually pretty interesting (truth be told I'll be saving a copy so that when I discontinue I will have it just for interest sake, it's pretty accurate and neat).  Plus the profile is guided so again, though you still need effort to fill stuff in, at least it helps you with what to write.

Overall Satisfaction
Low - This website sucked cost/benefit analysis wise.  It was $60 for the first month (uber-high because I wasn't willing to sign up for a package which is good because I've already discontinued the automatic renew, after the month I'm done).  This website might not have sucked so much if  A. It was so expensive and B. I was actually getting some dates out of it.  Part of why I'm giving this blog review is because of this site.  After I had signed up (read: paid the moola) that's when I came across all the reviews for eharmony saying it was total crap etc.etc.etc. if only I had read it before, so here's me, hoping to save someone else the 60 bucks.

What Would Chuck Norris Do?

This post has been moved to the Jaded Daters Blog, Click this link What Would Chuck Norris Do?

to read it in full on JadedLovers.com or click here to find out about the changes taking place with this blog.

Death By Plague: The Garbage Man's Demise

I had a friend once who dated this guy several times. Things were going great, they really connected, they had great sex, things were off without a hitch and then one day he tells her he's going over to the Island (Victoria, BC). Days go by, followed by weeks and eventually she tells the story of the man who fell overboard, "drowned at sea" if you will.

When I tell my story of the Garbage Man, I will attribute the demise of our ill-fated romance to his death by Plague. You didn't know the plague still exists in these modern times? Shocking I know, but alas there can be no other explanation.  Um...hello!?!?! I'm Hottie McHotterson - betta recognize!  For real though, it's been almost three weeks since our first date.  If I can get past my six year relationship with relationshippy with some counselling, closure sex but more importantly 3 months without regular contact....how long does this guy think it'll take me to get over a first date?  Boy please!  And yes, I know what you're thinking, give the dude a break, he might actually be sick.  Yes, this is true but I'm an insensitive bitch who wants what I want when I want it (though I keep these tidbits of crazy hidden from him).  Veruca Salt taught me what's up!  That and I'm not the hugest fan of putting myself out there...nobody puts baby in the corner...nobody makes SSD look a fool!

Seriously though...I'm super pissed Garbage Man hasn't called to say he's better and to make plans and also pretty convinced that our first date is the last time I'll see him since his death by the plague (the picture of him on the stand at the funeral won't count and I'm hoping for closed casket).

Textually Speaking: Sagalicious Patience Is a Virtue I Have Not Developed

So I know I said in the last blog entry that I wasn't going to bore you with all the texts in the *SPOILER ALERT* 3 weeks until my second date with the Garbage Man, "Il Garbarino", "El Garbago Novio"* but I lied lol!  No, but seriously, if I don't explain the play by play, things won't make sense in later blogs so here we go (you may want to get yourself out a calendar to follow along with this):

Saturday 01.30.10
First Date

Sunday 01.31.10
He texts (great time)
I text back (great time right back)

Wednesday 02.03.10
I text (How's things?)
He texts back (Good but I'm getting sick)
I call (no answer but I swear...I was breezy!)
He texts (Sorry I was sleeping aka getting rest, maybe we can hang out on friday?  Let you know how I feel)

Monday 02.08.10 (one week has passed since first date)
He texts (Yyygjalkdfakljdshfsdd8**&^&^#^&(#hjdkajfsdjhfl&a#$#I+=S)
I text back (Are you sitting on your phone? because I just got the weirdest message from you)
He texts (No lol! Telus doesn't play well with other phone carriers, I'll resend)
He texts (Hi SSD, It hurts to talk, I'm back at Dr. not feeling any better.  Hope your enjoying sunshine ttyl.)
Sidebar:  Let's take a moment to notice the updating ability...good job GMan :P
He texts (sexy banter)
I text (sexy banter)

Wednesday 02.10.10
He texts (Hey SSD, are you wanting to get together Friday?  Maybe you can come over to my place, that would be nice, Hopefully I'll be feeling 100%)
I text back (Do you think it's likely you'll be feeling better by friday?)
He texts (Ah yes, I fogot that I need to book some time to hang out with you! lol.  Do you have other plans?)
I text back (lol! that's so hilarious because it's true lol-I'm just finishing an assignment, can I call u in ten min?)
He texts (you need to make an appointment to speak with me lol!  Yes I believe I am available at that time and will be expecting your call :P)
I call (the gist is I'm like "is it likely you'll feel better?" and note that this is very bizarre to me...I mean either you know you'll be better or you won't...it's only like a day and a half till we would be hanging out???  His response is basically "I'd really like to hang out, I'm hoping/thinking I'll be better, but can we still play it by ear?") LAME! and yet I agree lol!

Friday 02.12.10
I text (Hey Cutie!  How's my favorite patient?)
He texts (Just at Dr.'s again)
I text (Because you're still feeling crap? or to get the go-ahead aka not contagious?)
Crickets Chirp
I text (You still at the Dr.?)
Lonely Mountainous Echo
The Sprint Pin Can Be Heard Dropping
Children in Panama are telling the story of the lady who went spontaneously deaf (except that it's so quiet I can actually hear them telling the story)

Saturday 02.13.10 (Two weeks have passed since first date)
He texts (Sorry fell asleep after I got home.  I ttyl when I feel better.)  Are you fucking kidding me???!?!?!?!  TheHell informs me that apparently boys are COMPLETE FUCKING BABIES when it comes to being sick AND reiterates what I already knew...that boys think "falling asleep" is some sort of valid excuse wtf? are you retarded...set a fucking alarm!?!?!
I eventually text back that evening (Sure.  Feel better DOUCHEBAG!!! okay so I just thought this last part)

Wednesday 02.17.10
I call [because I'm bored, because I like things settled one way or another, because I'm a fucking lunatic, because I lack any ability to demonstrate patience] (phone rings...hello? (then I say hello?) then phone just starts ringing again and then goes to voicemail...and I'm like wtf??? STUPID FUCKING TELUS!!! STUPID FUCKING CELL PHONES!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK wtf do I do now (and not end up looking schizo?) I attempt to leave a breezy message about seeing if he's feeling any better, has he died etc.? and if he is feeling better maybe we could kick it that Friday or Saturday?
I call again lol! (I tell him Telus is officially screwing my phone big time and it's now completely unreliable not just texts and if he does want to hang out to just message me on POF)...BREEZY!!! lol okay so this wasn't exactly breezy but I will reassure you that at the very least it was breezier than how it sounds now reading it back lol!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Time ticks by like I threw molasses on the clock.  It's moving so slow, I could throw a ball in the air, run to the kitchen, make a sandwich, eat it and come back in time to catch the ball.  Can you die from impatience???  Sidebar:  Remember at this point in time, I don't know that a 2nd date will ever actually occur.

To Be Continued....


*P Sizzle...these names are jokes - I looked up the real translations for Garbage Man but they weren't nearly as interesting or recognizable

"Never Was a Story of More Woe" Than That of Waiting For a 2nd Date

Starbucks Barista (random appearance for speech) 


A des'prate wait this morning with it brings;
The text, for assurance, will he show his head?
Go hence, to have talk of these dating things;
Some shall be assur'd, and some neglected:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of SomethingSheDated and her Garbage Man-o.

Now I'm not going to front and pretend that I've mastered the art of being breezy.  I mean let's be serious; yes I was once "an empty kettle" who should be "on her mettle" and yet I was "torn apart" because I was "presumin' that I could be kinda human, if I only had a heart".  But than there was relationshippy* and the whole letting someone in and being vulnerable experience involved in knowing that "I've got a heart...because it's breaking".  That being said, I figure I'm doing pretty good after the magic date that was, with the GMan.  Sure, of course, I'm a bit swoony when describing the date to The Hell and others but I don't reveal any of this to GMan.  I refrain from texting, calling, and all other forms of crazy. 

Until he texts.
The next evening.
"Hey SSD, I had a good time last night.  Don't study too hard."
Breathe easy.
Be Breezy.
I text back.
"I had a good time too."

The next days take the stregnth of 10 men (and one The Hell) to keep me from texting or calling.  Don't worry though, I kept the crazy to myself lol! well, and The Hell and hubby.  Do I think that Garbage Man is the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half, the Will Smith to my Jada Pinkett, the foreign baby to my Angelina, the brain to my George Bush, the passcode to my sphinx?  Probably Not.  Here are the following reasons why I figure I'm so super super super impatient, wish I could call, and wish the weekend would come sooner so Garbage Man and I could (potentially) hang out again (though I reiterate, I know feeling this is nutty, and thus would not reveal this crazy to anyone but my friends, definitely not GMan).

1.  Making out (need I say more?  first kisses, butterflies, newness, exciting, hot, amazing!)

2.  My days are currently filled with reading endless pages of literature and studying.  No matter how good the books are, making out with butterflies in my stomach will always win as an activity I'd rather be doing.

3.  I may, I repeat may, be vaguely vulnerable after the demise of my relationship with relationshippy.

4.  This really is my first real dating experience using the following definition :

A Date: An event where both parties know it will take place ahead of time; see term "setting a date". It is recommended both parties show up sober and fully clothed. Dates take place in coffee shops, restaraunts, someone's apartment when appropriate, or at an event. Dates do not take place in cars, nightclubs, parking lots, or anywhere in Ft. Lewis. Though there is such a thing as a double date - if the numbers are not evenly matched (aka 2 girls 2 guys) than this is a party and not a date (aka 2 girls 1 guy or 2 girls and 5 guys etc.). For the purpose of this blog, dates with boyfriends do not count.

5.  Did I mention that there was making out?  No wonder I can't focus lol!

I hold out till Wednesday.  4 days.  Not so good.  But at least it's a breezy message, which I figure is okay since he texted the day after date. 

I text "How's your week going"

He texts "Slow.  I think I'm getting the flu.  How are you doing?"

Etc.

Etc.
Etc.

I'm not going to bore you with the texts etc. but I'll just say that Garbage Man ends up being sick for like the next 3 weeks but *Spoiler Alert* we do eventually have a 2nd date, stay tuned :).

*this refers to my 6 year relationship with MEGA LOVE